by Thomas Mccallum
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5 August 2021
I sometimes get asked why I write these blogs and what good does it do? I don't know if its of use to anyone other than me, it is only intended to be my experience of living with a brain disease that is degenerative, I feel the difference year in and year out and the stresses and strains of everyday life have a much greater impact on life, but i am not here to talk about the physical side... i want too relay the emotional side that seems to be ignored and discarded as some sort of non existent symptom. Some of the medication that is given to us to deal with the physical side i.e. ''Dopamine Agonists'' are brutal on your emotions they can change who you are and how you deal with situations but you don't know this until its far too late. in most cases it takes a year or longer to withdraw from them, yet the medical profession do not take it serious enough to stop prescribing them. For the most I sanitize my blogs just for the sake of trying to relay a message without causing any undue upset, but I wont be doing that anymore , I am not a brave man by any means but equally I need to get it out. The last 4 years my emotions are changing, cognitively its so difficult to even retrieve info to relate what I am saying that often some things are taken so very wrong. I have learned to suppress my feelings to avoid confrontation because that leaves me in a very dark place leading to physical symptoms being worsened. Of course I am scared would you not be ? i am not that brave guy who makes a bucket list and gets on with it, i wake up with it hanging over my head like a waiting guillotine not knowing when it will strike , i have been sober for a long time and I have to say there has been moments when that thought has entered my head a way of escaping the emotional turmoil however I haven't and nor shall I wont find my answer that way, another battle too face on a daily basis . YOPD is like any other degenerative disease it takes it all. confidence, friendships, relationships and imposes you on a platform of being ridiculed and misunderstood. Daily being judged for how i speak(Quiet or slurred) ,walk(Slowly), Think and so many other things that neither i or anyone else who has Parkinson's can control. The medical profession look at it as an ''Old persons disease'' and because there is no cure and its degenerative we are shuffled off to the waiting room, Now considering some of us could be here for another 20 years that's a long time to be trapped in mind and body without feeling of value , its a long time to be misunderstood, there's not a day goes by that i don't think of how much as an adult i put into this planet and now I can't...... it shows.